Talking about creative issues.....help

[Patt Legg]

I[COLOR=Navy] have researched this topic on the Forum and still cannot relieve the pressure and guilt that I feel about my creative problem. So I am hoping above all hope that SOMEONE here has had this problem in their past --if not, then what am I to do?? I have never had this to happen so here goes.

Two years ago I accepted a commission for 4 - 20x24 portraits. I finished them in a timely manner and the client loved them with the exception of two of them. She himm-ed and haw-ed and turned her head sideways and then said, " it looks like them but something just is not right, I think the mouth in his and the eyes in hers. Well, first of all, I was felt terrible but in actuality, these were the two that I had more trouble with so I really was not taken by surprise. She thought I could just fix those features and wa-la they would be done. I knew better due to the fact that they had been overworked in my attempt to find the actual child in some of the worst photos ever that she had given me. ( I know, I know, I needed to refuse the photos and for that I am guilty .) I insisted on doing them both over completely from start to finish, she furnished me with a few more photos, still not the greatest but I took them.

The dilemma: It has now been over a year. They are about 3/4 done. I find myself very depressed about them although I really think she would approve now.I cannot seem to get them done. I find every thing in the world to distract me so not to work on them. Now----like the kid who has done something wrong and then is ashamed to come home and admit it-keeps on staying away and the matter worsens. I am like that, the longer it goes the worse I feel. Now I am to the point of no return. I feel ashamed, angry at myself ( along with my hubby thinking I am crazy), I feel depressed about them. Yadda , yadda yadda.

I am not a lazy person . I am very sensitive to others feelings. I just don't know what to do. I have painters block on these portraits. I don't know why. Any suggestions or has ANYONE ever had this happen and how can I forgive myself for being so slow to move on this.

Not an excuse but because you do not know me I have to add. Within the year I have sold our property that was a home to my husband for 62 years, he has been disabled for over 14 years, we relocated within this year, he has been found to have an aortic aneurysm ( inoperable due to his ill health), I am teaching 10 students since I moved, scheduled for two solo shows and for the past 3 weeks I have been flat on my back from lifting 50 lb. bags of fertilizer for our yard ( a chore that I would have skipped but hubby wanted it done and he is unable.)

I simply need someone to tell me how to handle this graciously and then maybe the guilt will lift and I can work on them. I am at my wits end here. THE PROCRASTINATOR OF ALL PROCRASTINATORS.


Thanks[/COLOR]

Patt