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Julie,
This is a well executed portrait and I believe this portrait reflect well the type of art you offer.
As far as critiques go I do have some suggestion that I think could be considered.
Your comment regarding the eye in shadow is valid.
Being that I am not able to point using a brush or a pencil, I find that in order to properly explain I need to making some marks on your drawing. I hope this is ok by you.
Your face is in mid tone range and no definite shadows so I suggest that the variation in tone compared to the other eye can be slight. As it is the eye sticks out because the dark value demands attention. I have marked by the eye where a mid value can be added to push that area back as well. These changes are so subtle reason being that you are working with mid tones.
The area between the eyes and the bridge of the nose does not look natural, at least to me, as I see it at this end. The highlight is to strong. If you compare this area to the highlight in the eye you will notice that there is not much difference. Skin in real life does not reflect as chrome, glass, water etc. This area between the eyes is important. The bridge that extends from nose to eyebrow can be reintroduced and better restated. Maybe some warmer hue and the same value. This is a important feature of the face that suggest the edge of the joining planes. The planes in this area, forehead, sides of nose and bridge of nose can be better defined even though that they mite not be so evident in your reference. Your goal is to suggest form and define the planes of the face. If this is established correctly you will have a work of art and not a copy.
The thickness of the cheek chin area compared to the other side is out of balance. Ask your self, what would it look like in real life.
I hope I was able to help.
All the best to you
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