Talking about creative issues.....help

[Patt Legg]

I[COLOR=Navy] have researched this topic on the Forum and still cannot relieve the pressure and guilt that I feel about my creative problem. So I am hoping above all hope that SOMEONE here has had this problem in their past --if not, then what am I to do?? I have never had this to happen so here goes.

Two years ago I accepted a commission for 4 - 20x24 portraits. I finished them in a timely manner and the client loved them with the exception of two of them. She himm-ed and haw-ed and turned her head sideways and then said, " it looks like them but something just is not right, I think the mouth in his and the eyes in hers. Well, first of all, I was felt terrible but in actuality, these were the two that I had more trouble with so I really was not taken by surprise. She thought I could just fix those features and wa-la they would be done. I knew better due to the fact that they had been overworked in my attempt to find the actual child in some of the worst photos ever that she had given me. ( I know, I know, I needed to refuse the photos and for that I am guilty .) I insisted on doing them both over completely from start to finish, she furnished me with a few more photos, still not the greatest but I took them.

The dilemma: It has now been over a year. They are about 3/4 done. I find myself very depressed about them although I really think she would approve now.I cannot seem to get them done. I find every thing in the world to distract me so not to work on them. Now----like the kid who has done something wrong and then is ashamed to come home and admit it-keeps on staying away and the matter worsens. I am like that, the longer it goes the worse I feel. Now I am to the point of no return. I feel ashamed, angry at myself ( along with my hubby thinking I am crazy), I feel depressed about them. Yadda , yadda yadda.

I am not a lazy person . I am very sensitive to others feelings. I just don't know what to do. I have painters block on these portraits. I don't know why. Any suggestions or has ANYONE ever had this happen and how can I forgive myself for being so slow to move on this.

Not an excuse but because you do not know me I have to add. Within the year I have sold our property that was a home to my husband for 62 years, he has been disabled for over 14 years, we relocated within this year, he has been found to have an aortic aneurysm ( inoperable due to his ill health), I am teaching 10 students since I moved, scheduled for two solo shows and for the past 3 weeks I have been flat on my back from lifting 50 lb. bags of fertilizer for our yard ( a chore that I would have skipped but hubby wanted it done and he is unable.)

I simply need someone to tell me how to handle this graciously and then maybe the guilt will lift and I can work on them. I am at my wits end here. THE PROCRASTINATOR OF ALL PROCRASTINATORS.


Thanks[/COLOR]

Patt

[Carol Norton]

Patt, would it be possible to show her what you have done so far, (DON'T OFFER ANY OF YOUR OWN COMMENTS!) telling her that you want to be sure you are on the "right track" with her expecttions? Be prepared to refund her deposit if she doesn't appreciate them. Just taking 1 baby step could alleviate all the weight. There's always a reason for a block like that; we just aren't always conscious of what it is because it gets jumbled up with other things. I suspect that the 50 lb. sack of fertilizer is a whole lot lighter and sweeter smelling than the way that you feel about this commission. If your client doesn't like the second two portraits, get your check book out and write her a check. Bingo! You're free. No commission check is worth the price of that 50 lb. sack you've been wearing. You can tell her that even good photos don't always make great paintings. It is always best to take your own photos (providing the subjects are ALIVE as they wouldn't look too lovely after having been dug up!). Quite honestly, the times that I get into the most "fertilizer" and have to go whining for help is when the source material is poor and I'm trying to change what I see. My wonderful teacher (Chris Saper) has written a mantra for me and made me repeat it. It has just a little to do with never using poor resource material??? Do I always observe it? No, but everytime I don't I sure know she is right.

Go for it. You can do it.

[Thomasin Dewhurst]

Dear Patt

This has happened to me a number of times. The first time I was commissioned to paint someone's children. When I took my painting to show the parents at the first stage of completion the children told me that they didn't like the paintings, that they were too cartoony, that I should paint like a certain person whose painting they had up in the living room, and that they didn't want portraits painted of themselves anyway. The parents didn't stop the children from saying these insensitive and insulting things, but just smiled and sent me away to try again. After a couple of times trying to keep my temper as a professional should, I told them that this was the way I painted, and that if they wanted the painting to look like someone else's they should have hired that artist (at a considerably higher price than I was charging). In the end they did accept the portraits and did pay me, but it was extremely difficult to complete those portraits, feeling animosity towards the clients above having to paint in way that was almost totally not my own.

It just not worth painting in a way that makes you unhappy, bored or frustrated. I think the best thing to do is to show the client what you have done and, as Carol said, don't offer any comment and certainly don't apologise for anything. It's not a photograph, after all, and it is as much about the artist as it is about the sitter, and the client HAS to allow for your interpretations of what you see i.e your personal vision. This is where you are stuck - you are not allowing yourself to see how you see and are getting lost in trying to understand how the client wants things done. I think one of the most important things in having commissions is to ensure you get the respect you deserve from your clients. You are not building them a house, or decorating a room. They are commissioning a valuable, unique artwork, an expression of passion and life. They must know this.

Why don't you post what you have done with the reference photos. I am sure you will get a lot of valuable feedback from the forum and help rebuild your confidence in yourself. I for one would be very interested to see what you've done.

[Marcus Lim]

Hi Patt,
I suddenly got a flashback for myself after reading your problem with your client. I guess everyone's had their share of runs with "picky people". I'm confident you're good in what you're doing, and that's not where the issue lies.

The real problem is with our clients, who wants a final say to things. I had two recent comissions, and both of them did that on me! And guess what, both of them had me to "make that little 'perfect adjustment'" (the earlier commission had me travel all the way down to the gallery in a cab, in my crutches!)

The thing is, i didn't do anything (though i didn't say that to my clients and not even to my gallery owner), just a little action on the canvas/ drawing. And they tell me "THAT'S IT!!"

The very fact is that they want you to make the correction THE WAY THEY WANT IT, PRONTO. And i realised these people tend to be either power-people or control freaks. So don't let them bog you down because of what they say. Emotionally take a step outside and be professional. If they want you to 'conjure up the magic', then wave that brush, maestro!

Give them the 'rush feeling' of being in control of you - for once in their lives.

[Carol Norton]

If they want you to 'conjure up the magic', then wave that brush, maestro!

Give them the 'rush feeling' of being in control of you - for once in their lives. [/QUOTE]
____________________________________
MARCUS, YOU ARE BRILLIANT! Showmanship may be the answer to that client of an all too familiar breed. Magic! Wave the brush. I truly will remember that. Thanks for your wisdom.

I cannot help to relate to this story. Upon receipt, a recent commission found a "spot" that had to be viewed with a MAGNIFYING glass. The painting was returned. It happened to be a bubble from Liquin. Yes, it took a magnifying glass to see it. Initially that was the only thing verbalized. Oh, yes, later I heard that the portrait was "lovely." I guess we need to recall that portraiture is a BUSINESS and that we need to separate ourselves from the personal part.

Got the painting back, took a thumbnail to the bubble visible only outside in the AZ sunlight, flicked if off and revarnished that pinhead spot. Yes, magic. And all with a smile. A second commission was forthcoming. Moral: Don't burn bridges or you could be on the part that hits the water.

No, I'm not related to Aesop.

[Michele Rushworth]

some of the worst photos ever that she had given me. ( I know, I know, I needed to refuse the photos and for that I am guilty .)

You answered your own question here, I think. Thank her for commissioning you but let her know you can't make a painting that you can be proud of from these photos .... and then end the contract (returning whatever payment seems appropriate). No one will be happy if you keep beating this dead horse.

[Steven Sweeney]

Though I

[Patt Legg]

Thanks to all of you , I now feel at least a bit normal. Normal in the sense that I am indeed not alone.

Steven, I can sure relate to your "being a very private person in a very public pursuit." I believe that is part of why I hover here as often as I can simply reading and taking in information. I find it difficult to share my feelings about my many short-comings especially when that feeling is from my own procrastination for whatever reason. I pride myself on finishing projects, fulfilling promises, being prompt, etc. Therefore, I feel that I have not only let my client down but myself as well.

Michele, I wish the problem was that simple but unfortunately it isn't for me. I live from paycheck to paycheck ( as I am sure I am not alone here) , I do not support myself with my art, only pays a few bills. Coming up with that deposit would be very difficult. I would like to say that I "banked" that deposit until the final payment but necessity dictates that I use it for obvious reasons. Don't get me wrong, I LIVE TO PAINT and do not PAINT TO LIVE. But let's face it. Life can be expensive even if your lifestyle is very simple.

Marcus, " on your crutches" ??? Well I must say you are indeed persistent and consistent. I will surely take your advice and emotionally take a step outside and be professional. I tend to take it personally and have a trying time separating the two.

Carol and Steven, about the 50 lb. sack of fertilizer ( actually 10 of them) -a bad decision on my part and probably a little love for the hubby. Things change, roles alter for a great number of reasons.An ex-farmer, he loves that green grass and in NC , that doesn't always happen. But believe me, next time I will try a different approach.

Well, again thanks to all of you I certainly feel like I have a direction and my load seems somehow lighter. I deeply appreciate your comments and will take a portion of all of them into account. I also will try to post the child here and the reference photo. Try not to be too cruel but honest. I will post for critique.

Regards,
Patt

[Patt Legg]

I have now posted in the Oil Critiques. Some of you know me a little and know that this definitely is not my best work. I apologize for the light here.

Patt

[Patt Legg]

I have now begun my umber study of Chandler-the boy that I so messed up. I am taking your very welcomed advice and have posted my beginning in the oil critique section, I always do an umber study , then a dead color similar to the Old Master Flemish and then go into color. At least I already feel uplifted in spirit as I needed to hear the cold hard facts.Please advise.

Much appreciated

Patt