Fear - Does it EVER go away?

[Michael Fournier]

Not that I have never been there standing in front of a blank canvas with a few knots in my stomach... but for the most part, once I get to that point, I have already thought out the painting and I will have done a sketch or two.

If I still feel uncertain about what direction I am going to take, I just stop, and work it out either with more B/W sketches or an oil sketch or a head study, anything to get me painting. I am not one who can visualize my finished painting in my head without doing some (or a lot) of preplanning.

I have heard other artists who claim to have the completed painting in their head and can work from one corner or area direct to finish as they go. I am not one of these artists. For me, the success or failure of a painting all comes down to hard work both in the planning and throughout the painting process.

My problem is the days when I spend several unproductive hours working. Days when every brush stroke is a struggle, each color I mix seems off and I end up wiping out hours of work. Often this is just a bad day. I suppose I would be better off just stopping on these days and doing something else, but when you must paint to make money and the bills are piling up it is hard to say, oh, I just can't paint today.

It may be those bills on my mind or some other distraction that causes these problems. Who knows? On these days, I often question my ability and feel very bad and really berate myself. I read somewhere that Sargent had days like this when paintings where not working out and he would do a day's work over. I guess I should not be so hard on myself. When it is happening it is hard to rationalize it as just a bad day.

Oh well, maybe we should start a thread titled "Group session for troubled artists". We can all discuss our art-related neuroses. We could save a bundle over going to a therapist. Since we are discussing it with other artists, no one will tell us to get a real job and just forget it.

[Michael Georges]

Well, it is nice to know that I am not alone!

Rochelle: It is interesting that you mention guilt. There is ever so very much to do with this profession isn't there? It is so easy to feel overwhelmed and just sit on your hands and avoid it because you simply don't know where to start.

As professionals, we have to find a way around that pretty quickly as those "things to do" are our keys to our continued success. My wife makes exhaustive lists. When I get too much going, I will sometimes enlist her aid to help me organize and prioritize things into a list. This helps, because then my focus becomes getting rid of the list because I simply hate lists!

Steven: I like your saying. Now I can say, "I am not scared, I am not delaying, I am incubating."

[Timothy C. Tyler]

One fear that is ever-present with commissions is, "even if I do an award winning portrait, will the client like it? Or even, "will the client, the spouse, all the family in for the holidays like it?" If the painting is a success, will the non-artists with the checkbook realize it?

[Mike McCarty]

I have had this framed in my office for many years.


Dare Greatly

It is not the critic who counts;
Not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where
the doer of deeds could have done better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena;
Whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;
Who strives valiantly;
who errs and comes up short again and again;
Who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause;
Who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement;
And who at the worst, if he fails * * *
at least fails while daring greatly;
So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.


Theodore Roosevelt

[Michele Rushworth]

I certainly experience fear when I'm about to present a commission. Tomorrow I'll be presenting a double oil portrait to a client -- and all their family is in for the holidays!

Will they like it? There are some things I do to make that more likely. First, I do my best to create the finest work I am capable of, of course. But beyond that, I make sure to tell them before the presentation that I love the portrait. (I always do love it. Otherwise I wouldn't let it out of my studio until I do!) I tell them what it is I like best about the painting. I also present all my commissions in a very nice frame. It helps make the piece look finished and more impressive.

In my experience, having done hundreds of pastel portraits from life, there is not much correlation between the quality of the piece and whether the client likes it. They often seem predisposed to like it or not like it before the commission begins. If they ask things like, "Do I have to take it if I don't like it?" right at the start, that's a strong clue!

As they say, "Feel the fear and do it anyway." I have a quote from Karin Wells on the wall in my office that says, "I have many more paintings in me and such a limited time to do them in." I don't have time to be paralyzed with fear.

My greatest fear, after all, is that I may have to go get a "real job" again someday. That's what keeps me in the studio every chance I get!

[Anthony Emmolo]

Fear, fear, fear!

What I dread most is the fact that fear tightens me up. It doesn't allow the brush to move well. It stops me from blending colors well. It creates a painting that is safe. I cannot challenge myself in the state of fear.

So I realised that changing the state is the first job. Before picking up the brush the artist must be there with the brush, much in the way a ballet dancer must be there before going on stage. This is not always possible, however it is a key to our job.

On another note, we're very lucky that our work is permanent even if it is only on film after the painting is sold or destroyed (I put my fist through one recently). It is IMPORTANT, not just fun, to look at older paintings and realise that all of the lonely hours are leading somewhere.

Maybe the week you took off before starting the painting was the right thing to do. There's really nothing wrong with it. I believe most of us just need to get used to the fear. Desiring it to go away will not be the answer.

[ReNae Stueve]

My biggest fear right now is that I will not be able to convey my feelings in such a way that will be understood in this topic but I will try my very best.

I spent years NOT PAINTING because of something I called fear. Fortunately for me, although others might not view the circumstances as a lucky break, I was forced to stand at a turning point in my life and examine very carefully, all the emotions that had driven me to that point in my life. Here is what I came up with.

For as long as I can remember, I had this feeling of excitement about just being alive. There was an elation, a giggle and a wonder. Picture opening your eyes and you are in the most beautiful place you could ever imagine, and wouldn

[Michele Rushworth]

Beautifully said.

[Anthony Emmolo]

A paraphrase of Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe is: If I call good what is bad I do damage. My family is a very loving family. We're a very simple family in which anything done is considered good. I wanted to paint, so my parents and aunts and uncles complimented me. I was "talented," "gifted." I went to art school and saw how mediocre I really was. Still, I knew I saw "talented," "gifted."

It was so painful to see that the image on the paper in no way agreed with my imagination of who I was. Other students in my classes were better than I was. Excuses came to my mind to protect my imaginary self image. "He's got a better view of the model," or "the teacher helped him." I wasn't getting it. Drawing became the painful event of the day in which I'd learn who I really was but couldn't admit to being.

That is my recipe for fear. It stopped me dead. It never stopped me from drawing or painting. For 19 years I did it every day but I didn't enjoy it as much as I could have if I didn't carry around this imagination.

Finally after years of torture, I began to let it go. Reaching middle age allows a person to see with more truth who one really is. Michelangelo was great at 15. Mozart wrote music at 4. OK, I'm 35 and I'm not in their league. Slowly the thought "Just be the greatest artist you can be" began to solidify in me. The fear bean to soften. It isn't gone, but it is easier to deal with.

Am I angry with my family? No. They are a dear group of people who mean well. They still do it. I just want more. I've been gifted with determination, they with relaxation. How many of you have never had the thought, "Wouldn't it be nice to not feel I have to be in the studio every day? Why not rent a video and veg out?" Well, we can't. So let's embrace our art.

[Robin Manjone]

I'm curious to know if you feel that same fear when you are painting a non-commission piece.

I think there is an extra amount of pressure placed upon our creativity when we accept a commission. Wouldn't it be great if we could paint every day exactly what we wanted? A commission restricts a certain amount of our flow, for some of the reasons already mentioned. But we need the commissions. So I mentally include them in my daily play time.

I sketch and doodle every morning for 3 hours, working with ideas, playing with mediums, with no expectation except for fun. It seems to release the pressure and the procrastinaton that can sometimes surround a commissioned piece. It slowly works its way into my subconcious that this commission is just as fun and natural as my other work.

This practice has helped me work through any fear attached to my commissions. Maybe it's something that you can try.

Yours in art,
Robin