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April,
for me the first thing is NOT to compete with photographs: one should not choose painting because it is better than a professional photo portrait, it should only be better than its reference image. You could encourage your clients to go look for a photographer, this would not harm your business, it's a completely different thing!
Antonia Byatt wrote an essay on this matter. She argued that while a photo is about an instant that will never repeat itself (even in a posed photograph photographers often look for that sudden twinkle), never come back, so it is ultimately about death (that is maybe something you don't want to tell a client) while a portrait develops during a span of time, so it is rather like life.
I think this mix up between the two disciplines it's partly due to the misuse of photos by some painters.
If one is using photo reference, then it should be bended to needs, exactly how Holbein would have used sketches. The photo becomes a tool and not a goal, the painting has it's own language and takes over.
Anyway, and this is unfortunately not a joke, many people would make that sort of comment because they literally don't know what else to say, they don't have the instruments for critique.
You can explain them how you go about in making decisions about colours, composition, harmonies,and show how these come before or at the same time as taking the photo references.
I would also add that a painting has weight and presence and becomes not only an image, but an object that enters in the life of the family for generations
Ilaria
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