Rev. Bill Romer

[Carolyn Bannister]

Thanks everyone for the input, have put this question elsewhere as well and as usual have two completely opposite opinions

So i think i'll compromise, i'm not going to actually crop the image but will leave out just the bottom line of the jacket leaving space under the train to balance the busy-ness of the top half.

We did discuss the jacket problem, its not actually a suit jacket its a soft material more a casual blazer and his wife prefered it as it covers his rather large tummy I will try and make it look a little more crumpled maybe? The original photos were taken in a sweater.

Now all i have to do is paint it

[Terri Ficenec]

Carolyn,
Sounds like a good solution

Congratulations on your first commission!!

[Steven Sweeney]

Carolyn,

I realize you're well into this and the momentum may be such that you'd be reluctant to make some adjustments, but I want to mention a couple of things, if only for "next time."

No matter what amount of cropping from above or below, you still have a format divided into the left vertical 1/3, with nothing in it at all, and the right 2/3, with the rest. I'm a fan and practitioner of unorthodox composition, but this particular division seems out of balance to my eye. I'm tempted to make suggestions for something "in the background" in that left-side space -- an unusual clock, perhaps, or a wall-mounted artifact of his religious life, or maybe the diagonal perspective of a workbench, if as someone suggested, this is a portrayal of a hobbyist. I don't know what to suggest, really, because I can't tell what the subject's "story" is -- that is, I'm not sure why this minister is holding a toy train engine. But whatever the theme, it strikes me that it could be represented in some fashion, however subtlely, to fill that void.

Because the format is already tall and narrow, the second observation relates to something more difficult to adjust. All the focal interest lies in two areas, right now of roughly similar weight, the head and the train engine, both of which lie right in the middle of the format, one directly above the other on a vertical line. A more triangulated composition, with the center of focus not necessarily in the center of format, might have presented less second-guessing about cropping the image to move the subject around within the format.

Unless the train is to become the "story" here, you'll have to be careful that it is rendered in such a way (softening edges, perhaps, or reducing value range or color intensity) as to avoid stealing all the viewer's interest away from the subject's head, which is already somewhat "secondary" simply because we don't get to see his eyes.

Finally, make a strong commitment to the direction of the light source and the way the light flows over the form. Just to pick out one thing to look at here, the uniform width and value of that shadow running from the shoulder all the way down to the wrist threatens to make the arm appear to be "pinned on."

As I said, I realize you're well into this, but the Forum critiques are also useful for bringing some general focus to bear on matters that any member-artist can always be thinking about.

[Steven Sweeney]

Oops. After hitting "Submit" I realized that I wasn't in the "Critiques" section after all. The fence was down, and I wandered into a different pasture.

But since most of my comments did in fact relate to composition, I guess the post is still responsive to the subject line.

[Carolyn Bannister]

Steven,

This is just the sort of help i'm looking for, never mind it's in the wrong section

The points you mention especially the empty left side, are really valid and I had been struggling with them myself, in the end i gave up trying to figure it out and left the left hand side empty to see what the reaction would be.

The client saw another painting of mine and was quite definite about the pose, and the fact that he should be looking with affection at his 'toys' and no ref to the fact that he is a minister as that is not how she sees him. A bit of background info., the trains are in the garden with an enormous landscape with track, signals, waterfalls, cows in the fields etc etc.

Initially I had another train engine in the bottom left to give some perspective and balance the comp. but this only made the painting look more like a painting of trains and a man not the other way round (which he was really happy about )

Another idea was to add a couple of train signals especially the one shaped like an arrow and have it pointing upwards towards his face. These would be only sketchy additions as the bottom of the painting, fading out and losing colour ( as in the painting she first saw).

This is really useful as I always start at the top and work my way down anyway so I haven't yet reached the part that could be altered.
I see what you mean about the shadow on the arm, I'll definitely address that as I reach that part of the painting.

Thank you again for taking the time to give such detailed help

Carolyn.

[Julie Deane]

Steven-I've missed seeing your wonderful critiques!

Carolyn, this man is The Best as far as I'm concerned for giving feedback. It's a privilege to read what he has to say.

I'm glad he said something about that blank left side. I'd either put something in it or center the figure more.