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Since many of my models are children I'm very familiar with the experience of having a subject who's not "into it". The mom is basically telling them they have to pose whether they like it or not.
There are a few things I do:
First, I try to engage the subject during the photo shoot and talk about anything they are interested in, to try and get them to forget about the camera. That usually loosens them up and we get more relaxed and natural poses.
The second thing I do happens partly before the photo shoot and partly after I get the photos back. I try to decide for myself what I want this painting to be about. I identify one or two words that describe the feeling I would like to convey. I think doing this is part of the "artistry" and one of the reasons clients choose a painting rather than a photography studio to document their lives.
If I am working with an adult or teen client I might ask how they see themselves and what qualities they would like to have communicated. I might give them suggestions and ask if they would like to convey their energetic side or something more calm, etc. Often I'll know what direction to go in just by meeting them.
The current portrait I am painting of a little boy by a lake makes me think of the words "fresh" and "innocent". That leads me to use clean, light colors, simple brushwork, etc. It also encourages me to simplify many forms (like his hands) and reduce contrasts in places I otherwise might emphasize if I had decided to go for the feelings of "movement" and "energy" instead.
The painting in this thread might be said to convey the feelings of "calm" and "elegance". If you decide on something like that you can then work everything in the portrait toward that goal. Then you can make the painting be about something and not have to just let the direction of the painting be decided by the flat response that the subject had during the shoot.
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