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Hi Mark,
I was not sure of which direction you wanted to take this portrait, so I found it hard to come up with suggestions.
Now that you ask for any suggestions I will give it a try.
Paint what you see, the naturalistic light and colors. That makes it much easier to critic and talk about.
Also, the natural textures, like skin, hair and dress, have a familiar / known way of reacting to light and color. So if you want to make a stronger effect of anything, say light or a specific color, you will be able to exaggerate it in a convincing way with the help of the "normal" color scheme in the painting.
In other words you will benefit from having a low key standard. Indian Red and Yellow Ochre in stead of Cadmium Red and Yellow. I will suggest that you try a limited palette. You can still do the drawing in a heroic manner.
Just a thought,
Allan
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