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Strength and happiness to all to stay focused on our dreams.
I have read this thread and felt compelled to write about being on one's own. I didn't always love it like I do now....as it took a lot of time, money, physical and emotional strength to appreciate it.
After having being divorced just over 13 years ago from a long term loveless marriage (not on my part) my infant son and I set off to find our new home. I moved to a seaside town, then a mountain town, then to a bigger town, to a warmer town, to a colder town etc trying to find a home and work, moved again after no luck in one or both departments, moved again etc, and again trying to find a place where we belonged and put down roots. Nine moves in 13 years including staying at one tiny town for 8 years that included the isolation from family, friends and the public which I enjoyed and hated equally. I suppose I was like a wood duck always looking for a nest to call home. I new I belonged somewhere but where?
We put down roots in a small town at the bottom of a mountain range, made a reckless decision to settle down and got a small mortgage with no permanent job to cater for payments crossed the fingers and flying on angles wings. I even found the courage to try to start a relationship with art as my new partner a couple of times, but either my mothering/work duties, depression, chores, family got in my way. I also thought I needed a man to make me feel complete. Another few hiccups like poor health or lack of regular money made it hard to keep this mortgage going so after struggling for 8 years I sold up at the wrong time and left financially ruined. I also tried to muster the courage to start new relationships during this time, only to see them never get started or when they did being tricked by con men who took advantage of my naivety and finances. A couple of more moves later was spent with my dreams unfulfilled as minimal time was spent in art training.
We have now arrived to a lovely city (ironically the same town where I grew up) to help keep an eye on my aging mother who happens to be my only surviving parent.
My son is now nearly 16 and doing his own thing most of the time with sport, girls and the occasional party, we are both in transition times. I am now finally happy to spend every possible minute, learning and training for my art career and allowing the rediscovery of my self as an important aspect for my original dream to flourish. I must make every minute count to develop as an artist as I can never recover the time lost already, sadly.
It wasn't until now, I found out where it is that I belong, it is as an artist or at this stage, training to be one. It wasn't a physical place like a town near the seaside, or a town high in the hills or a partner as I thought. It was a place I found inside of me, a place where I longed for but couldn't find it was my inner peace. I found this peace when I spent quality time learning about and training to be an artist. So now I take every minute I can to think art, practice art, read about art, learn from others about art, making wish lists for art supplies etc, really looking at nature as an artist etc . So now, every minute I am training to be an artist, I am on my own and I am free to do as I please for myself and my son. I moved to this town in January and have recently moved again in the same town but upgraded to a better house as the other one didn't suit us or our 4 pets or for my art. I currently have only temporary work every now and again as a administrative temp but hopefully I will get suitable work for three or four days a week soon so I can concentrate on my art until it can generate enough income.
So I say to you, I apologise for the detail but I wanted to get across that it is OK to be on your own, it is a safe place, a happy place and a comforting place to be.
A favourite quote is "It doesn't matter how rough the water gets, it's what you let into your boat that counts".
I don't know who wrote it but it says it all to me. It can cover all things in ones life that erodes time away from your art that is it encompasses wasted time, mothering, housework, other chores, as well as emotions etc.
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