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I would keep the detail in the hair for the portions in the light and soften it somewhat for the areas that are getting less light. I'd also soften the hair detail quite a bit in the lower right area.
Perhaps the issue with the area around the mouth is that the darks, particularly the septum (that little vertical depression between the mouth and nose) is too dark. Making it slightly warmer and somewhat lighter would help a lot, I think.
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