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Judson,
Two areas of concern for me would be: 1) edges: everything seems to be very "hard" and distinctive, for example the back edge of the couch, since it set back away from the subject should be softened. Also I would soften the edge of her hair where it interacts with the background. 2) Lack of highlights: The overall feel is that the value range is from medium to dark, taking another look at your photo reference should reveal those areas that should be lightened.
Look forward to seeing this progress.
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