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Hi Beth,
My two cents worth. Right now you have a very dark background behind the lightest area of the face; the stark constrast is what pushes that side of the face forward.
Remember aerial perspective, the lightest lights, the darkest darks and the purest colors (usually) come forward. (As always, I'm sure there are exceptions.)
In the reference photo the background (as Tim said) really looks like a medium value, if you lighten this to the correct value I think you would notice improvement in the face.
Check Peggy's tapes, this lighting is very similar to her demonstration.
Your tenacity is paying off!
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