Real vs. Creative Life
 

How do you do it? My frustration level seems to be at an all time high, so I need a little help from my friends. I apologize for not contributing more than I usually do, however I am really struggling here lately.

Here are the questions I pose to you:
1. How do you find any time for art when you HAVE to work 40 hours a week to pay your bills at a job which sucks the very life out of you, but which pays your rent and puts food on your table and buys your art supplies?

2. How do you deal with the resentment ?

3. What art do you do Mon - Friday when you leave your house at 8am and return home, eat, walk the dog and find it is 7pm? And it is dark outside, and cold in your apartment and you are ready for bed, heavy lidded eyes by 9pm? (I wish I could be a Jimmie Arroyo and go to my studio and work till 2am - but I get up at 6am!! and I suffer from CFSID)

I just can't get on top of my game here because I am in such frustration at having so little time to do what I love to do. I will be vested with a tiny, tiny pension (unable to touch for 15 more years) at work in March, after which I am considering living in poverty, working part time, finding a hole to call home which will be dirt cheap, just so I can paint.

I really want to walk away from the 9 - 5 life and paint but I have no savings, no spouse to support me, no 17th century patron to keep me painting and fed! I am curious how other artists here may have survived this burning desire to paint while needing to eat every day and pay the bills!

Maybe others would like to share their courageous story of how they fought back the "work till you drop world" and found time for beauty and inspiration and art!

"He can only obey the apparetly alien impulse within him and follow where it leads sensing that his work is greater than himself and wields a power which is not his and which he cannot command" -Carl Jung

Boy, do I hear you. I'm not in the same situation but I can sure understand how you feel. I suppose most artists have made financial sacrifices on some level to do what they do, at least in the beginning. Our family would have a lot more money if I went back to the type of jobs I did many years ago. I just couldn't stand to let any more years go by without painting as much as I do now, though.

Sounds like some of the Impressionists, who would sometimes go without food in order to buy art supplies.

Sorry, I don't have a story of courage, but I can commiserate.

I must admit that I tend to neglect my art for long periods, but when I am doing it, as I have been these last few months, I do nothing else all evening. I have longer evenings than you, apparently, as I get off work at 4:30 and I'm home by 4:40 (the advantages of small town life). I already gave up television a couple of years ago, and I don't miss it a bit. I listen to public radio and paint. That's my whole evening. You'd think I'd have learned a little by now.

I work for Child Protection, so you might imagine how I'd like to quit. But I see very talented artists who have difficulty making any sales, so I hold no illusions that I could retire early to be an artist. Not with my student-level skills. Still, we're DINKs (double income, no kids), so we've already paid off the mortgage, and are on track for early retirement, with or without art. Unfortunately, even early retirement is years away. The earliest possible retirement for me is only two years away, but the benefits are punitively small, so that won't be feasible.

Still, I love going upstairs every evening, and messing about. Janice is convinced that I could make a living as an artist someday, so she's supportive. I've decided to make the switch from public radio to audiobooks, so I'll be up to speed on Dickens before long. Maybe by the time I get through the classics, I'll have marketable skills ;)

Great quote from Eric Maisel, speaks to where I find myself now, in my life:

"A certain image helps me remember why people find it so difficult to create. I see two plateaus separated by a deep gorge hardly three feet wide at its narrowest point. The near plateau, where a would-be creator lives, is barren, while the far plateau is jungle-covered, wild, and mysterious. Everyday the would-be creator walks right up to the edge of his plateau, stares into the gorge to its floor two hundred feet below, and says to himself, "If I try to get across I'll fall and kill myself." Then he glances across at the tangled vines that obscure the jungle interior, making it impossible to know what riches or dangers are hidden there, and murmurs to himself, "Even if I did manage to get across, something bad would happen."
He is aware that his side of the gorge is barren. But he's afraid of that short leap and afraid of the jungle interior. His instinct for survival, his fear of the unknown, or some elemental human inertia causes him to stay put, even though he is perfectly aware that his current life is unrewarding. To think that clay, pigments, words, or ideas could put one in the same such fear! Yet would-be creators of all kinds pace on their plateaus, held in check by fear of that small leap and that unknown territory

Keep up the good spirits! I know it's hard sometimes, but you have such a drive that I'm sure there can be no stopping you.

I can relate quite a bit. Although I do have a husband who is very supportive of me, he makes little more than minimum wage. He's in college right now and his current job allows him a lot of time to read. It's one of the sacrafices that we make right now for our goals.

When I decided to 'come home,' I sold my car to get rid of the expense of it and started doing some home sales parties as a way to help with the transition. I've since been able to make income from some of my creative skills, doing graphics and making web pages, and although this can hardly be considered an income it does help here and there. Also, I flipped through some books on living cheaply... the book "Miserly Moms" comes to mind. Not only do these books show you ways to save money, but also point out the expense of working itself.

I also only paint in the evening. Although I'm home during the day, I homeschool my son and I do not have a seperate room or area for a studio that I can escape to here and there during the day. So, when he goes to bed at 7:30 or 8 is when I start, and I usually go until about 11 or 12. I just try to keep reminding myself that it is do-able. I am getting work done, and although it is not at lightning speed I am continually moving forward. Try to think of it that way for yourself... you are moving forward and your work is great!

Resentment... no advice there! I do catch myself thinking "What?!? You don't want to do math? I could be painting!!" but at these times I just try to let my mind go completely blank. I don't want to have a panic attack! If worst comes to worse, I try to think of the numbers 1-4, very slowly, over and over again. :sunnysmil

Have you thought about working part time instead of full time? I don't know what kind of job you have, but if it is a low paying job maybe you could look for a different kind of job that lets you be more creative. I know I always see jobs for ad layout at the local newspaper. Also, you can always see about making money teaching art. I know that you mentioned trying classes at your home, but there are also opportunities at the art stores and at local art centers. Maybe if you have to work but the job relates more to your passion, you will feel better at the end of the day.

Good luck and I hope that some solutions find you! I am one who thinks it's OK to sacrafice for art, hey there are always soup kitchens if you need them, LOL! Just keep yourself healthy.

It's an advantage that you have just yourself to support. You might try leaving the full time workaday world and give yourself a couple of years and see how it goes. The economy is stronger than it was and you could easily get back into the workforce if you decided to later. After reading about your feelings, I think you will truly and deeply regret it if you don't give it a try.

Pat,

Resentment has a lot to do with having your head someplace other than where your body is. If I think about painting while I'm at work (in a noncreative occupation), and then think about work demands while I'm trying to move ahead on my artwork, I'm miserable all the time.

The Zen guys remind us, "When walking, walk. When eating, eat." Meaning, try to not always be thinking ahead to what you're going to have or wish you could do later, or thinking back to what you wish you'd done before. Similarly, "When working, work. When painting, paint."

(Besides, a lot of problems are being "worked on" in your unconscious, even when you're not focusing on them, so don't worry that you're not painting during the day, for in a way, you are. I used to be asked when I found the time to write, and I honestly replied, "I'm never not writing.")

That will help with the resentment. I can't tell you how to add any hours to the day, though I wish I could. I'm at my desk around 6 a.m., rarely leave before 6 p.m., have a one-hour commute and the dog to walk and snow to shovel. I'm actually using a vacation day today to try to catch up on some framing and canvas repairs (fire damage), taking a break while glue and varnish dries.

I can count on two fingers the artists of my acquaintance who don't rely on income from a day job, theirs or their spouse's, to make a go of it, and they're both better artists than I'll ever be.

One cool thing about the day job is that, here I am homebound on a snowy beginning to a three-day weekend, the dog curled up at my feet -- and my employer is paying for it! That never happened when I was trying to make ends meet in a studio.

Good thing to keep in mind. No matter what I'm doing, I always think I "should" be doing something else.

Another good thing to keep in mind (Steven, you're so full of wisdom today!) Even though I do have a spouse's income to rely on to a certain extent, I do work pretty much ALL the time, weekends included, as a self employed artist. I've taken perhaps three of what I would call "vacation days" this year where I felt free of the obligation to work on portrait commissions or marketing, in order to bring in income. For example, the rest of my family went on a 10 day vacation to the east coast last summer and I stayed home and worked. No paid vacations or holidays here!

Lacey, Michele and Steven,
Thank you all for your replies. It does help me to read them and to receive the encouragement.
The Zen reminder is so good. Part of my problem is that I work 40 hours but have actually only 25 hours to do so I have way too much time to think. It feels like I am wasting precious time. I am planning on asking my bosses (they are nuns, they shoudl be supportive!) if I can go to 25 hrs a week after March, but I am afraid I may lose my health benefits unless they consider me grandfathered in. I am also thinking about moving south where the cost of living is cheaper and the weather warmer and sunnier!! But I have to find a way to pay for that move, so I am saving all my commission money (it piddles in!)

I work as an accountant and make below standard rate because I work for a nonprofit organization (convent). So I am also considering working for a temp agency perhaps at a highter hourly rate, thus enabling me to make enough to live on, part time, but the insurance becomes an issue once again.

Well, enough whining. Your support is encouraging and reading that many artists work and paint makes me feel I am in good company. Lacey you are a hard worker and young, you are very smart to be working at your art continuously. Don't stop no matter how busy you get being a mom.

Steven, you make me feel grateful for the hours and commute time I do have - yikes you have a very long day.
Boy doesn't walking the dog help though. I LOVE my walks with Erin, my sweet puppy!!!

Michele - take a vacation!!! Time in this "Cafe" is always good for me, virtual pub is almost as good as the real thing!!

Cheers . . .

Pat,

If I understand your work situation correctly, you have approximately 15 extra hours of each work period that is not actually needed to do your job, but you need to be available, on site, for the full 40 hours per week, is this right?

Convents need money, don't they? Why don't you see if you can make a win win situation out of this?

Make a deal. If the nuns keep you in art supplies, you creat paintings during the slack time for them to sell at their Church functions. Perhaps in the bulletins at mass they can advertize portraits for members to help raise money for the Church. Or donate portraits at the school auction. This gets your name out in the community, and builds your portfolio so it is not a waste of your time. Your time is being wasted now, so doing anything artistic is better than nothing.

I guess what I am saying is see if you can find a way to get those three hours a day that are wasted (because you need to be on site) put to a better use for you AND the nuns. They would have a hard time saying no if keeping yourself busy, doing something that makes you happy, also helps raise money for the convent.

My heart goes out to you but I am confident that you will be able to think this through and come up with something that will be good for you.

I'll be thinking of you.

Hi Patricia, a writer friend calls it the conflict between commerce and creativity. I think in more spiritual terms: "No man can serve two masters". I left a succesful carreer in product sculprure to pursue a higher calling... Poverty... Well, financial poverty anyway. I have had to live in my studios for the last 6 years in order to have a studio. I have made a choice between comfort and creative freedom. I'll tell you that I would not trade my hardest times today for the life I left behind.

Although extra money is nice, it can't buy fulfillment, and for me the spiritual freedom found in poverty is far superior to life on the treadmill.

I have been seeking a higher plane of existence... "Dirtball Artist", I think finaly, I have arrived.

Blessings, Dave

Interesting topic Pat, thanks for bringing it up as I find myself in the same boat as you - on one hand resenting my job because it takes so much away from my art, but on the other hand appreciating it immensly because it is such reliable income.
Right now I am burning the candle at both ends working a 40 hour week plus a 90 minute commute each way (thank goodness I have no snow to shovel). I work in the studio until 2am and then get up at 5am and have a hard time staying awake on the drive each way. I get a second wind around 9pm and am wide awake - can't sleep if I tried. Saturday's I always sleep like a log until 10am and am mad that I wasted half the day already. Such is the life of trying to have two careers instead of a career and a nice hobby.
I am torn because at this point, I probably have enough work lined up to quit my day job and sculpt full time - but that is such a scary step.
My husband works too, but we are not sure how much longer that will be because, unfortunately, he suffers from Parkinson's which also adds large medical expenses to our budget. Until recently, my art career has never even been profitable, so I'll try to do both for as long as I can and play it by ear until it is clear that I can make a dependable income from it.
Anyway, it is interesting reading how others of you have dealt with the dilema of when to take the plunge and go full time. I think it is a slow process getting there, but if persistant and willing to put in long hours, it will happen eventually.

Yes, Pat, the cost of living is less down here, but I know a New Englander who was shocked that it wasn't nearly as low as he'd heard. Still, on our modest income we've managed to pay off a mortgage on a really big Victorian, so I'll always have studio space to spare.

This thread reminds me of my friends, Charlie and Laura, whom I've mentioned here more than once. He was an IBM suit at some point in the past, but hated it. He is now a woodworker, and Laura is a full-time artist. I don't know the numbers, but money is very tight with them. They live below the poverty level, and have to watch every penny like a hawk.

They couldn't be happier! They live on the coast in an A-frame house that Charlie built. They work very hard, Charlie in his shop, and Laura in her little studio, a movable storage shed in the back yard. They live in a touristed area, and Laura sells her work in the local gallery. Some pieces are reproductions -- greeting cards that she prints on her PC, so she can sell the same pieces over and over (a luxury that portrait artists don't have).

There's a lot of unspoiled coastline where they live, and they like to spend weekends exploring it in their sailboat, while Laura takes photos of the seabirds, to include in her paintings.

Sounds idyllic, and in a lot of ways it is, but it comes with no safety net. They have no savings, and no health insurance. When it's time to retire, they'll only have Social Security. Laura may be able to paint into retirement, but woodworking may be more difficult for Charlie in his golden years, so poverty is all they'll know. They really don't care. They spent a few days in my home earlier this year, and I don't think our relative luxury impressed them in the least. They coud easily see the noose that comes with it.

Well said.

I don't want to forget to include this, so I'll say it first. Heidi, I'm sorry to hear about your husband's illness. My wife used to work for the Parkinson's Disease Foundation in New York City. Unfortunately, she resigned because the Foundation was more interested in putting money into research rather than helping the patients with personal programs and support groups. Because of this, she is now in school for Nursing.

Pat, time is a horrible enemy. I tried my best to squeeze time whenever I could and lost literally thousands of hours of much needed sleep. Working till 2 or 3am, then to wake up at 7am was too much for me after 2 straight years. I thought after living with insomnia for so many years before, that forced insomnia would be a piece of cake. :o I'm forcing myself to stay up again, it's extremely hard, a freezing attic does'nt help.

We are hardly getting by on bills, always have to tap into the savings to pay the mortgage, but I also have a daughter, and I've already lived my childhood in near poverty level, so there's no way in hell I'll let her live that way. She's why I continue, I can only hope it'll have been worth it. If not, I'm kicking her out of the house at 18, hahahaha.

Good luck Pat.

Pat,
Life is way too short to waste it on a job you hate and transitions are very, VERY scary...but almost always worth it if they allow you to live life with purpose, passion and creativity. Early in my career I worked for corporate America for 7 miserable years (making an extraordinarily living I might add) until one day I had enough. With my very supportive wife a two year old son and a newborn daughter, I sold our large house and moved into an apartment over a garage while I pursued my passion. We went almost a year with no income while living off of saving. Two years later we were doing well enough to buy another home. I would do it again in a heart beat and wonder why I waited so long. Be creative in downsizing. It is amazing how little one can live on if you must.

You have a talent for impressionistic painting. I loved the feel of the one you posted. Good impressionism still sells. Turn these paintings into giclees and peddle them to friends, neighbors, local shops, banks, restaurants...well you get the idea. Use this money to support your particular painting passion whatever it is. Remember that you MUST spend half of your time marketing and selling. Far too many of us forget that these tasks are a very important part of our job. I wish you the best. Take the leap!

Pat -

I was going through the same resentment big time last year. This year, I seem to have come to terms with things. I decided that I like having some financial security, I like my full-time job because it helps kids (speech therapy in the school system) which I find fulfilling. I could not produce good art if I was constantly worried about where my income was coming from. I went through lots of options last year in my thoughts, but ended up working the same amount of hours as before, although with some flextime built in this school year. The big difference for me between my misery last year and my present attitude was accepting my limitations and deciding to work within them. "Acceptance is the key".

Right now I'm extremely busy, because I got a lot of small commissions right after the beginning of November - most due by Christmas, of course! At least with my job, I have extra vacation time, which helps. Also, having an ice storm in the area bought me an extra day. Still, the house is a wreck, my teen son keeps asking me what is there to eat (I point him to the fridge - "fix it yourself") and he sulks that it's Christmas time and we still haven't gone to see the movie we had been planning to see but can't because of my deadlines. Oh well....c'est la vie.

Hope this helps.

Julie

Pat,

Personally, I think your in a good situation. Only 40 hours? with no kids in the house or spouse to clean up after, cook for, iron for, etc? No band, socceer, tae kwon do practices to chauffer to? No dentists, orthodontists appointments to keep straight for a whole family? No PTA, boy scouts or youth groups to chaperone? No health problems that can stop you?

I'll encourage you the only way I know how to. You have a good situation there for making a go of your art - comparitively speaking. If you want it bad enough - you will do it. It isnt your 40 hours of working that is stopping you. There are many of us that do that, or do 40 hours of other things combined because of demands of families. The only thing stopping you is you. There isnt anyone for you to be resentful towards...you only have to support yourself.

My best piece of advice - drink more coffee.

At one point for a couple years I had 3 children home with me, 2 in diapers. I did medical transcription for about 50 hours a week...stopping to change diapers, cook dinner, throw in laundry and saving children from falling in toilets or poking each others eyes out. I never stopped painting - I did that in the middle of the night and was able to produce 15 landscapes for a solo show in about 6 months. Granted, I didnt sleep much. I only could do it because I wanted it that bad.

Make up your mind that you want it. Dont be resentful - thats a waste of energy. And drink lots and lots of coffee.

I hope I dont sound harsh - everyone here is being so supporting. I like you lots Pat! I mean this as a reality check. I think you can do it! And I wish you luck. Remember though - there are many of us who wouldnt mind being in your situation....if we could find someone to take over our families. ;)

I'll second that advice about coffee. And don't forget diet Coke {my drug of choice lately)! ;)

".. kids in the house... spouse to clean up after, cook for, iron for, etc? ... band, socceer, tae kwon do practices to chauffer to? No dentists, orthodontists appointments to keep straight for a whole family? ...PTA, boy scouts or youth groups to chaperone? No health problems that can stop you?-Kim

Boy Kim, I remember those days. I did all that, single, working two jobs and going to college full time (that was when I was first diagnosed with CFSD, an autoimmunie disorder). It has been five years since my last child moved out on his own, I finished my degree, and quit my second job. . .

It is true, I AM what is keeping me back. FEAR of the unknown and FEAR of being foolish. My family already thinks I am foolish and would believe I had jumped off the deep end if I quite working full time and devote more of my time to my art. But then my family cannot live my life, only I can.

I believe this is my winter to really decide what I will be doing come summer, since I would be foolish to do anything before March when I am vested. My goal is to be working less then 40 hours a week and still support myself so that I can spend more hours painting and selling portraits, whether that will happen in Cleveland or down south remains to be seen. Janel your idea is great, but would be a no go with the nuns, unfortunately. But working for them part time is a more likely option and one I may be able to live on.

Richard thank you for the idea of selling my prints. I have ordered a few and really like what they look like, having never done this before. I will try some of your marketing suggestions.

Thank you all for your comments and support, It makes me feel stronger. In the meantime I put in at least 20 hours this past weekend on a drawing which is coming along nicely - that puts a smile on my face!!!

Thank you all!

Pat,
Here is another option to consider. When you are ready in your mind and heart (even if you are scared to death) to quit, approach your employer and ask to go to part time work such as two 10 hour days per week.

Tell them you still want medical and other benefits etc.. In most cases a company does not want to lose a valued employee and will make concessions. I have 3 friends who have done this exact thing. Your ace in the hole is that you will quit anyway if those conditions are not acceptable to them. They will sense your resolve ( or you can tell them outright that you will have to leave if an arrangement can't be made) and will make the necessary adjustments to keep you.

After March when you are fully vested, try it. You may be pleasantly surprised. If this subtle persuasion works, you have a built in cushion to get you started. If it doesn't work you have lost nothing anyway.

Forget about what people think. In the first place most aren't thinking anything at all. some will be jealous of your courage to go out on your own. and a few will be nay sayers just to be mean spirited. The only friends or family that really count are the ones that support and encourage you to go for your dream. The rest are black holes that just sap your vital energy. Avoid them at all costs.

Pat -

I like how you are taking your frustration and channeling it into action. And how you're weighing your options. Glad you got 20 hours in on a picture - I'm jealous!

Julie